We go to decapitate a Hollywood Director CONTEST
by Celibord
Summary: This is for the Lightning Thief Contest by CrazyNerdyFangirl. It's a bit late, but it's quite funny. I hope you enjoy it as much I had fun writing this!


Here's a contest for everyone who was disappointed in the Lightning Thief movie, like I was

**HEY! NEW THEME!**

everybody who knows Maximum Ride knows anti-hardwicke day, right? Well, Now theres another one. Anti- Colombus day. The director of The Lighning Thief movie is Chris Colombus. I went to see the midnight premier (on a school nigh, I might add, and Valerie, if u read this, no messages complaining about how much I rant on this subject) and It SUCKED! okay, it was a good movie, but it changed from the book to much. Tell everyone who has read TLT to write a fanfic about killing the director of the movie. here are the requirements.

1) must be at least 1,500 words. not including authors notes, no repeating words over and over in order to meet the deadline.

2) Must include at least 5 characters from the book.

3) someone must, at some point, say the words bacon, green, riptide, seaweed, _di imortales,_ and the name of at least 1 god or goddess

4) someone must say the quote "the rainbow in your mind takes you where?"

5) only 2 original characters can be OOC

6) must contain at least 1 OC

7) Chris Colombus must DIE!

8) all characters physicly in the story must have a line

9) all entries must be submitted by April 30th.

cleaverness is rewarded. be funny. I will pick a winner based on these guidelines.

all entrants must send me a message with their screen name and story name, Good luck.

~UNDERLANDERfromtheOVERLAND~

**Message UNDERLANDERfromtheOVERLAND for more information**

It was bound to happen. The day I saw the movie poster on the school bus, I had a sinking feeling. My classmates all wanted to see it; even I have to admit I wanted to check it out. I though it might be good.

I was really wrong. It was nothing I expected. The minute the movie ended, I yelled out how much it sucked.

Needless to say, I had to run home covered in popcorn after my rant.

I immediately decided to contact camp about this "movie". I cleaning the buttery popcorn out of my hair and got ready to Iris Message to camp. I managed to find a hose that had a mist feature (Technically, I broke into my neighbor's garage and stole it after taking some duct tape. Does it really matter?). It was curfew late but I knew if I explained the situation, curfew wouldn't matter.

"Naomi, do you know what time it is? I know our time zones are only a hour different…"

Percy's face could be seen clearly. It looked like I woke him up from a good dream, which is a rare thing for him.

"Percy, we have bigger problems! I need to talk to Chiron. It's extremely important! It may affect our well being of our lives!"

"What's it about? Can you at least tell me first?"

"Its about the Percy Jackson movie. It really popular but it's really horrible! It might bring…" I stuttered, daring not to say the word.

"What?" Percy almost yelled.

I gulped and regrettable decided to tell him.

"Fan girls. In fact, even more fan girls that Percabeth brought. These fan girls NEVER read the book.

Percy's face was whiter than bacon fat. There was also a green hue to his face. He managed to gasp out,

"Di immortales…"

The moment I returned back to Camp Half Blood, everyone was ready. Since I was the one who discovered this, I would lead the mission with another group.

The Hunters agreed to come with us. The reason was we were hunting down the monster that made this movie. According to them, a group of their finest Hunters went to see the movie, just for the heck of it. They never returned as Hunters, They broke their oath by falling in love with the actor who played Percy.

Before we went, Chiron gave us a bit of warning about the creature we would be dealing with.

"In all of the years I've taught students, never have I been afraid this much. All of the gods have given you blessings. They would do this themselves, but they though it would be better if our campers disposed of the demon. Even Zeus was all up for using his most powerful bolt. I wish you all luck."

The team that Camp put together was about the size of the remaining hunters. We had Percy, Annabeth, Nico, and me.

The Hunters consisted of Thalia and 4 of the strongest Hunters they had left.

Before we left, we said a prayer to our godly parent. I prayed to my father Poseidon respectfully. I wasn't sure he heard me, but the waves near Camp seemed to calm down.

Percy seemed more than happy to drive us to San Francisco. Annabeth called shotgun, so I was forced to sit with Nico and the Hunters. It was boring, until I remembered that I brought a deck of cards. We all played Gold Fish until the sun had set.

We stopped at a cheap hotel near Pacific Heights. The Hunters refused to share a room with the boys, so Annabeth and I shared a bed while Nico and Percy shared a mattress. The Hunters got their own rooms with each other.

It was 1 am when the Hunters finally stopped playing Truth or Dare next door. We had to threaten we would make Nico share the room with them if they didn't go to sleep.

It was less than a minute when they were snoring softly. Nico was a bit humiliated with him being bribery.

"You don't know who much I hate being used. I've been used in too many fan fictions! Paired up with OCs, Paired with Campers, Its messing up my character!"

I listened to his rant for about a half hour. I felt bad for him. I forced my frugal self to let him eat a box of cookies from the mini-fridge. I told him to drink some warm milk to help him sleep.

"Warm milk? I'm the son of Hades for crying out loud! A glass of heated milk will do nothing to me!"

It took a while to remove him from the couch and back into his bed. I was somehow able to go back to sleep and rest.

I had a dream though. I was fighting against a squirrel that had rabies. It bit my hand and I started foaming from the mouth as well. Then Thalia suddenly appeared and removed the foam. She then ate it like it was whipped cream or Cool Whip.

Annabeth forced me awake from my dream just as Percy was throwing jellybeans at me.

"Wake up or I'm going to use Riptide to remove you from the bed."

I muttered a Greek Curse and got up. I changed into a seaweed green shirt and got into a pair of jeans. I wore nice little socks that had fish and golden tridents on them.

We decided to stop at McDonalds for breakfast. We ate silently, occasionally sharing comment about our meals. I was actually really hungry for no reason. The person who was at the speaker kept misunderstanding what we were saying. He though we were saying "the rainbow in your mind takes you where?" or something along the lines of that.

After getting rid of our food wrappers properly, we headed off to Pacific Heights to search for Colombus.

When we found his home, his wife answered instead. She had worry in her eyes, like she had been poked too many times. We claimed we were big fans of the Percy Jackson film he made and we wanted to know where he was. (Percy nearly gagged at the idea of linking the movie.)

His wife told us we could find him at a park nearby. We thanked her and went out to search for the park. We found the park and began to look for him.

It wasn't hard to find him. He was the only person there. Girls also surrounded him. Fan girls. Percy and Nice backed a bit farther from the fan girls. But just like hunting hounds, they spotted us. They screeched.

All of us ran in different directions. Turns out they were all after the characters they knew about. That just left me and the 4 other Hunters. We charged towards Colombus. He sneered at us and replied,

"Hello there, are you also fans of my great movie?"

I didn't like this. He reminded me of a kid I knew in school. He would take other kids' ideas and changed them. It almost made it look like he thought of the idea. I couldn't take it.

"Listen here buddy, we don't like what you've done with us. You made more people aware of us. The worst part is that they never read the book! You're ruining the experience of reading by replacing a great book with a movie!"

He looked a bit angry, almost like a monster. While he was trying to calm down, I looked back at Percy who was being glomped by an obese teenager. I'm glad I wasn't male. Chris finally calmed down and responded to my question.

"I can't change what I want to do. You can't go around threaten someone to change what they want to do. I have the right to sue you for harassment. I'll make sure to alter all of you if you continue!"

"Alter this!"

I slashed off his head with my sword. I was shocked that I just slashed him with my Celestial Bronze sword since he was mortal.

"Now I remember who he is…He's a son of Momus."

Thalia managed to remove the fan girls off of her and get over here.

"The god of satire, mockery, censure, writers, poets; a spirit of evil-spirited blame and unfair criticism."

We had to sign autographs to the fan girls to make them leave. The obese girl continued to stay and chase after Percy, so Annabeth had to fight for Percy. She won when the obese girl tripped when she was running towards her. The girl ran away and we were left with the body.

I had an idea what to with the head and decided to tell the others. Even the Hunters agreed to my idea. I picked up the head and put in my backpack. We were heading back to camp.

Everyone at camp greeted us like we just saved the Earth from penguins. It was nice and life was normal for a while.

After much work, I finished the project I wanted to do with the head. I went up to the attic where the Oracle rests. I carried the head and found a nice blank spot on the wall. Right next to the stuffed hydra head, I placed the head. It was on a nice mahogany plaque with an inscription.

Chris Colombus' Head

Retrieved by Naomi Thramer, Percy Jackson, Annabeth Chase, Nico di Angelo, Thalia,(She didn't want her last name on the plaque) *Alicia Kilder, Kiki Mato, Lilia Cesar, and Stacy Swinton

I gave a grin to the head and went down the stairs. I didn't look back.

*Those are the names of the other Hunters. I didn't really include their names in, Oh well. L


End file.
